no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize