Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I didn't notice because vodka
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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