He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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