I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
