Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
