I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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