i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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