her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
