One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize
