Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
