I'm going to rape someone's good day.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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