I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
