Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
