I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
