I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Randomize
