it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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