we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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