just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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