I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
