ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
so let's talk penis.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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