How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
