I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
