Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
