Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
