i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize