cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize