I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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