There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
