I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
So much rum. So many feels.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
