I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
