it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
