Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
