You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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