HIV tests are more positive than that guy
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
