as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
