You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
