So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
