i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
