I heard we made out
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
