College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
is it fun? or sober?
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