You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
