All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
