Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
