I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize