I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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