In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
