Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
