i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
