So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
