We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
