Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
is it fun? or sober?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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