soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
