btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
