Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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