Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
