im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Holy sore nipples Batman
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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