Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
