no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
