Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
