I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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