Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
