I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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