you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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