also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
