my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
