I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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