the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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