i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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