PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
