i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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