for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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