I'm going to jail i love you
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
why does every cop we meet know your name?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
