I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
