marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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