So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
