I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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