another moral hangover. fuck.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
