i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
