Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize