Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
