Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
