Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
